07.03.07
Pain transfer
While I was q-ing to make purchase today, I noticed the girl in front of my had a lot of cuts on the back of her arm. When I say a lot, it means that every inch of her skin has a scar that has either healed, or is healing.
I was quite appalled, seeing tt a ger as young as she is suffering like that. I was even more horrified to see that there even more scars covered her wrist, right down to the arm. so much, that i cannot even see her white skin.
At that moment my heart ached for her. I felt like holding her and ask “Ger, are you alright? Do you need my help?”
When i relate this incident to my colleagues in office, I was told tt people cut themselves to run away from stress, or pain. They actually cannot feel the pain when they cut themselves as they are in too much emotional pain.
If they cannot feel the pain, then what is the point of cutting themselves? to torture themselves is to transfer the emotional pain tt they are going through, to physical pain and if they cannot feel it as they slit their wrist, then why torture themselves?
Ishi was only 25, fresh out from school and life was just beginning. And he chose to end it. Is ending of life a way to end pain? or has he just transfered his pain to his mother, who arrived at the scene to cry on his lifeless form. has the ger ended her pain when she slit herself? or transfer her pain to me, a passerby who ache for her, as well as her parents and friends who are unable to stop her from cutting herself?
Perhaps, when we are unable to end our pain, we seek to transfer it to someone or something else. If so, when will pain ever end?
Sorry if i m not making too much sense today, as i m still in pain.
Doris said,
July 3, 2007 at 7:33 pm
Hi Danming, Ok, I know you are going to roll your eyes with what I’m going to say below…
By the law of conservation of energy, energy can neither be created nor destroyed.
Pain (whether physical or emotional) can be considered as a form of ‘negative’ energy, hence cannot be destroyed.
In this sense, pain transfer is possible and pain will never end.
And if this is the case, the solution will be to transform this energy (pain) into other forms of energy, such as taking part in many activities, getting busy in an attempt to distract yourself. Energy has been diverted and the pain felt will fade.
That’s why they say - Time will heal all wounds.
He Yin said,
July 3, 2007 at 8:42 pm
Hey Danming,
Juz started reading your blog, saw ur post and felt like commenting… hope you don’t mind.
First of all, depending on the scars you see.. they may or may not be self-inflicted.
I sympathise with your initial urge to ask her if she’s ok and in fact, I wish I could have the courage to ask. Coz I seem to think that it will help. Whether self-inflicted or not, I think it only shows that the girl does have a lot of problems.
Regarding self-inflicted pain, I once read on someone’s blog the following:
Pain numbs, depression kills.
Blood stains my clothes and colors my skin. It doesn’t hurt, it numbs.
I think it wasn’t so much as transfer the pain as your colleagues put it. I seem to think that it was an act to numb themselves. That is to let the pain go beyond your acceptable threshold of pain and to let the physical pain go beyond the emotional pain. Then, you will forget the emotional pain coz your body will be fighting the physical pain and numb your senses.
Anyway, these people need help and not criticism. To help them resolve the problems they are going through. Definitely by numbing themselves and avoiding it, the problems will resurface and as you said the pain never dies… so we need to help them resolve the problems and only then will the pain end.
Hope I am making some sense…